The End of Times

A while back I was reading a book about the end times. I neither have a problem in keeping warm in hell nor do I hate dressing up in fancy linen and feeding on honey and milk; then posing with Samson on one side and John the Baptist on the other...  The day is very near; and though I look forward to its coming, there are days that I would rather never see it fall. 

If Christ is to return; He need not come on a Sunday before I go to church to repent my sins; otherwise I'll be left behind:
Monday would be a good day; so that I won't have to report to work...oh...sorry, He may end up finding me nursing a hangover:
I would have loved him to come for me on a Wednesday, when I'm all ready; but that means that I will have to miss the Ladies night:
Friday too isn't a good day; I need to go to heaven when am holy; and I don't want Him to take me when I'm full of stress and from the bar:
I also do not want Him to come on a Saturday morning and wake me off my sleep that I never got to enjoy for the entire week:
End month; no way!  I want to first enjoy my salary...

Now that I have though of it; I plan to wait for Christ's second coming on a Tuesday; when I got too much paperwork to handle.  Thursday would also do...and that would mean that I start my weekend in style.  Any of these two days is okay with me; as long as it's in the middle of the month when am broke and lost interest in life. 

Hon. Charity Ngilu-Guilty as Charged?

The wise men said;  'Charity begins at home',
 

Why then do Kenyans expect Hon. Charity Ngilu to start it elsewhere.  The ones pointing fingers at the iron lady are those who come from the greener parts of the country.  I grew up seeing women from Ukambani walk long kilometers without food and water...and with malnourished kids on their back...come to our place to beg for food.  The day I saw some eat ugali that had already gone bad made me realize that something was truly wrong somewhere.

We are tired of seeing our fellow people seek the help of Red Cross and USAID.  When one of us comes and helps them...its termed as tribalism.  Where were the water minister supposed to initiate these projects; in Kibera, or is it in Kitale?  I'm totally behind this lady.  What she has been able to do cannot get a reward from this country.  We will only acknowledge her efforts when she wins an International award; or during her funeral.

It's been years since I last saw people from Kamba land in our region.  Not that we have broken the ties...but knowing that they are now independent makes me feel good.  As for those baying for Ngilu's dismissal, only God can understand you.

-MJN

What Made 'Ghost' Mulee Leave

When I heard him say that he was leaving; I thought to myself-are we supposed to feel for him or what?  Mr. Jacob Mulee has been riding this very same vehicle and leaving it halfway through; only to come for it after a couple of seasons.  This time round, everyone who loves Kenya hopes that we won't get to see him back.

It all started with him saying that his team was after goals, which they got, but; the rival team scored more than they did.  The very moment those words left his mouth I was sure that that was one man without a purpose and faith for his team.  We know that the KFF has always had problems, but these---  The guy goes ahead to blame the management for poor leadership, lack of financing and what not.  If he isn't the management, who is?

There comes a time that a man has to accept defeat;...  This is what we need to do.  Dissolve the entire KFF and concentrate on more important things than making goals.  What more do we want when we already the world's best long distance athletic runners, rugby players, women volleyballers and heavy-weight international boxing champions.  If we need to see goals, we can always ask Dennis Oliech and the handsome Macdonald Mariga to show us how its done. 

The decision made by 'Ghost' Mulee proves that he is a man with a vision, integrity and knows when its time to show a white flag.  Had the KFF raised their eyebrows a little higher, they would have seen it all coming by taking a closer look at 'The Team'. 

I'm a Gold Digger

It amazes me how men think that all that women look for in a man is cash.  Yes, we have been called gold diggers, social climbers and hookers.  But, have you ever taken notice on who really calls us these names.  Only the depreciated people; those without a single penny in their account know the meaning of these names.  I have never heard those names come out of Richard Bradson's or Bill Gate's mouth... hey, but how many times have I heard them from Kamau, Odhiambo and Mutuku?

Such a name comes about when he takes you for coffee and he expects you to chip in the bill; when he wants to go rent a movie for you to watch when you want to watch a play at the theater; when he wants to take you out using public transport when he could have hired a taxi.

Of course he will say that you were after his money-money that he never had. What money were you after when you first met him under the rain at the train station waiting for the train?  But you know what, if you dare help him with cash, he will opt to drink it all at the local pub-or buy tickets for some silly game. 

With time I've come to realize that there only men who are still down there believe that there are gold diggers-because they spent 1,000 shillings on a movie, they had coffee that cost 2,000 and that she demanded for imported chocolates for her birthday.  What he doesn't understand is that she wasn't looking at the number of zeros; but the special moments and things that the two of them did together.

THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T CARE

The July attack of the Ugandans by the Al Shaabab militia and the action taken towards the suspects is a clear indication that the government does not care about its people.  After all, we only heard of the victims after the blast.  

The victims of the 1988 bombing in Nairobi too have not been compensated.  The suicide attacks in Middle East have become the norm of the day.  The US army in Iraq lost and amputated many of her soldiers. 

As President Yoweri Museveni may say, there is no way he is withdrawing the troops out of Somali soil, despite knowing the situation they have to deal with.  Why should Uganda play the hero when she can’t face Joseph Kony, a war leader in her very own soil, yet, go to another land for a peace keeping mission?  It is incongruous!

I do believe President Museveni, he is a man of his word and deed.  No soldier will be packing for home anytime soon.  But, as long as none of his kin is on the battle field, or is victimised by the Al Shaabab, he will never take the issue seriously, nor will any leader.

The message being sent by Somalis or any other Muslim national(s) fending for their own unity and sovereignty through such vengeful missions will never get through.  If it does, it will not achieve its intended action.  Action can only be achieved through hitting the bull’s eye.  Why would someone aim at a cat when he wants to get rid of the rat?

MJN

EXORCISM OF ALEJANDRO

Paloma
“Sir Alex…please don’t say those words to me.”
Juan Alejandro
“Alex, don’t call me Sir”
Paloma
“But…”
Juan Alejandro
“Shhh! (Putting a finger across her mouth, then holds her tightly and gives a lengthy kiss.) I love you and no one can change that (Breathing hard as he speaks.) (Takes her palm and puts it on his bare, tanned and well built chest) Feel that, that’s the feeling I get whenever I am with you, please don’t let my heart stop for being denied this love.
Paloma
“Please stop…people might see us.”
Juan Alejandro
“You can deny what people say, but you can’t deny what your heart has feels for me. Don’t you love me?
Paloma
“I do but…”
Juan Alejandro
(Cuts her short) Let’s run away my love …get married then come back once you are of legal age…
Paloma
“I’m scared; I don’t want my aunt to worry.”
Juan Alejandro
“Once we get there, we will send her a postcard (kisses her again as Santos-Alejandro’s step brother comes…)
********************************************************************************
These words are the words that our women rarely, if ever get from their men. However, listening to them from a more charming man isn’t that bad.

These words are the reason why your shirt ‘got burnt’ while being ironed; why your favourite meal burnt as she prepared it for you; why she had to ‘cut’ the queue in front of you to get home on time; why she calls you unromantic; why she keeps suggesting you check into the gym to look like Alejandro; why the sudden interest in learning Espanola; why her profile picture on Facebook is neither hers nor yours;

Yes, I do admit that these soap operas are a little too addictive. They make you experience a love spell, a charm, an irresistible kind of love that you never witnessed. Even a one year old falls in love, why can’t you?
Its only in these soaps; and Afrosinema-o, that the poorest maid gets married to the richest entrepreneur of the region; a woman is bound between the love of two family members-a father and his son; the most wicked character is always a woman, who gets her way throughout the plot and only got caught at the end, where she is either sent to a mental asylum, jail, or killed; where all the female leading characters are timid, naïve and pretty girls; where the accent doesn’t matter, as a matter of fact, it is regarded to be sexy.

This obsession with Alejandro, is far too much, and unrealistic. I have never seen those men go after a black woman. It is even worse there because; each programme uses women as either servants or witchdoctors and wizards. The only place I have seen a black woman treated more like a human rather than an animal is in Shades of Sin. I therefore wonder why one has to be addicted to something that de-dignifies them.


SMART QUOTE: When a man is cheating, he says damn stuff, but a woman; smart stuff.

MJN

HEROES AND DEMONS

We celebrate heroes in death and villains in life.

How true this is, you may wonder. The truth is, Jesus became a hero upon his death, so does Mary Magdalene, Mother Theresa, Ken Saro-wiwa…and the endless list goes on. This however doesn’t mean that if you are an icon, you are a villain/demon…or that after living all this years as a nonentity, you will soon become a celebrity after your death.

Demons are our mothers; mothers’ who dedicate their entire adult life looking after the family and taking care of their needs: Putting up with all sorts of insults from abusive husbands, both verbally and physically. They do it for the children, they will argue out. But which child is okay seeing their mother face slow death because of a man, and eventually die of brain tumor. Such scenes are no different from putting a lion to guard your home against the enemy, when one day the lion will turn and feed on you.
Upon death however, all mothers become heroes…that’s where I will never understand.

Martin Luther King, well, a hero of course…everyone worships him to this very day. Personally, he wasn’t. Just because the man had a dream, what makes him different? Every one of us has had a dream, even kids do dream, but what makes one a hero is executing the dream, failure to which, it remains a dream. Whatever makes MLK a hero is there uncomprehendable…

Al Bashir is the man to look out for: Not only a living hero, but a legend.

All the drug dealers and illicit alcohol brewers are exceptional heroes. I have never heard of a brewer go blind or die for taking his poisonous brew, nor any drug dealer check in to rehab. What’s important is looking after ourselves; Man for himself and God for us all.

-MJN-

LETTING GO

Back in 2007 when I joined campus, I encountered a lecturer whom I thoroughly despised and loathed. Despite having both of us come from almost the same geographical region, our bloods never matched. Things got worse when I had to take four of his units during the same semester. By the end of the fourteen weeks, I had to be sober.

Anyone who knew Dr. Mugambi as I did halfway through could never fail his units-so long as you had an up-to-date critical mind. Questions like; is there a future of publishing in Africa, What’s the impact of culture and religion on development…

Ignorance is the core reason behind us lagging behind in our day to day lives. We are the first to queue and beg for aid from the West for not utilizing our natural resources; brain drain our regions in search for greener pastures; hang out in places where there is a little bit of white skin because, white is class…
Culture, traditions and beliefs are the reason behind our lack of foresightedness. Kenya now does have a Ministry of Culture and *something* but still, we are so hard on fights towards putting an end to these archaic cultures, only to end up upholding them.

At one hand, we are trying to end the culture of inheritance, like wife inheritance; white rule to equal distribution of power, inter alia. On the same note are corruption, impunity and nepotism. However, this is what may have meant when they said; talk the talk, never talking the walk.
Despite the efforts of ending this kind of culture, we have ended up forming colonies of power, property possession, ways of passing down what we assume to own to the next generation; but, to a generation that has your blood running through their veins.

I look at our leaders; brought up in the royal families and now in more royal ones. Nothing has changed, it’s just like it was during the past, when Kingship or Chiefship was handed over from one generation to another. As for the rest of the ordinary citizens, they tire and sweat to put linen, spices and myrrh on the royalty.

Uhuru son of Jomo; Raila and Oburu sons of Jaramogi; Joseph son of Kabila; Museveni and his cabinet/royal regime, ditto, ditto. A democratic nation they may call it, but… Do you ever wonder- Are they more charismatic, or do they posses more leadership skills, or are they the ‘inborn leaders’?

We, Kenyans, will never cease to complain about this and that; blame something on someone; accuse everybody for setting a trap against us; or, always know of a better solution than that already implemented.

I may write of how mean, inhuman, self centered, arrogant, ignorant and useless leaders we have…because they never let go off their top seats. Of how I’ll never cast a vote until I see a new face vie for the position-a face from a new family line. But look at me, us. We have never thought of letting go of our jobs and positions. If we do, it’s only after finding a replacement that will ‘click’.

On a light note-I’m still wondering of what will be the outcome of dual citizenship in Kenya. Will our athletes be allowed to run and complete for other countries?


-Mjn-

Kenyans Don't Talk to Each Other

I'm waiting for a vehicle to town, and standing with me are a couple of other people I always meet with, here-every morning; that they have now become familiar faces.  I can tell who wears which perfume, who got a new hand bag; suit, who will always wait for a cheaper vehicle, who does this or that...but, despite our acquitance, we have never talked. Not even a 'Hi, good morning, you are smart, nice suit, you look good...'

I've become a regular client to a certain vehicle.  I do know the driver quite well.  If he isn't tuned to Hot 96, it has to be Classic 105.  However witty Mwalimu King'ang'i may be, no body laughs aloud, just a chuckle.  When the conductor wants your transport, he just looks at you, or taps you...no talking.  In case of change, he'll shout 'CHANGE', and a hand shots up-no words.

I sit on a two seater for a few seconds, and silently pray that the person who takes the other seat will be good looking enough, smell okay, maybe a 'potential'.  I wonder why make such a prayer request, when we won't talk.  Funny enough, we will alight at the same stage and take the same pathway home, maybe enter the same building, and despite all these similarities, we will never exchange a word.

The queue is too long, and it takes hours to get into the bus.  After spending a whole two hours with someone, you still can't tell who is infront or behind you.  We all look like zombies, or sheep, or cows being dragged into the slaughter house.  To change the mood, someone passes out.  Still, no talking.  Everyone gathers around, then start to talk all at once, talking to noone in particular...

The students, though still in school-for a learning experience, are the worst culprits.  They will sit next to you, crane their neck in to your notes, signal you to pass over the 'Mwakenya', and after the class, storm out.  Never to be heard of again.  Others will always pick a seat next to you, call it a crush or whatever you wish...at other times, pretend to be booking a seat for a friend, then wave it off  by, "s/he probably won't be coming", and give it to you, that's all.   

Next thing you know is that you are becoming bored of keeping to yourself, and start Facebooking, requesting friendships to people you never met and will probably never meet, when next to you, is someone who would love to know you.

At times I just wish that we all all mute...

                                                             -MJN -

Never wanna grow up

When I was young, I would always day dream of being an adult

Now that I am one, I always wish that I had forever remained a child


Adults always lie, and for those who don't, they can't resist cheating

Say they are on the way when the taking a nap,
Say they love you to only sleep with you,
Say that you are the only one when they are actually messing around

They never say thank you, after all, they worked for it,
They never do please when they can forcingly take it away,
Never mention sorry for they can't stoop

Adults never tell the truth, they will bombard you with lies in the name of protecting you

You can't be friends with an adult, they are there to take advantage ot you, gossip with you and later on, go around gossiping about you

An adult is either too ashamed for what they got, proud of what they don't have or, lie about how they got what they have.

That why I won't be growing up any time soon

                                                                           -MJN

Why she's different from you

They say that a good marriageable wife can only be got in the village.  City girls can never be a good mother, faithful wife or even a submissive partner.
Look at the city girls, they will go to party all night long and live their husbands in a cold bed,  look for a surrogate mother so as not to put on weight or disfigure their shape and develop stretch marks.  If pregnant, they can't give birth naturally, but will go for Cesarean section under lots of anstethia.

You can never know the colour of a city girl, or her natural beauty-smell, hair, nails, physique...she is an artificially manufactured female.  With her face full of layers and layerscof brown powder/paint; bleached body that is neither brown, pink, white or rainbow; lips screaming red like she is a dracula from sucking blood; padded breasts, hips; horses' hair on her head and a strong and expensive pungent smell from Dubai that sends all around her sneezing.

A city girl has no personality, no dignity, no idiocrasy.  She will always hang out with three to six other women, show up with 'her girls' in a date, sleep around with any man who can send her cell phone credit, pay her bus fare, or take her out to a movie.  A bottle of beer, chips and  chicken on  a Friday evening will make her spend the entire weekend in a foreign bed.  Come Monday, she will pretend to have never met you...unless you got more money to take her out for lunch with a bunchful of her friends.
Country women have a more natural beauty.  They will catch your eye when she is metres away, wearing a 'leso' and a torn oversized t-shirt, carrying firewood on her head, or a container of water while barefooted.  How then do you think she would look when she is all cleaned up and oiled up with a thick petroleum jelly?

Marrying a country girl has more gurantees...she know how to love, treat a man, and keep him.  Never nagging, never flirting...and now they say, can't be a gold digger.  That one, I don't agree with...  A country girl will only man who can take care of her, protect her, provide for her, and give her class.  That's why she will only show interest in men from the chief's family, the son who has been to University,

Country women may be seen alone and having fun anyways, or surrounded by friends. Whether those friends are other females or males, if you have recognized the woman to be a country woman, then they are safe. Just play it carefully,

Country women are not afraid to get dirty. Dirty, means dirty...whichever meaning you accord it.

City girls will live on and for the television, and try to emulate those soap opera women, but will get mad when you watch football.  She won't cook as long as there is a restraunt or pizza inn by the courner, and can't hit gym to keep fit, she will go on a diet, pills, creams or surgery to remove the extra fat.

--------------------.......................................-------------------

CLIP:  (To start showing soon at the theaters near you)

(he and she meet along the office collidor walking towards opposite directions)

He:
Morning Jackie;

(she walks along, paying no attention to him, says not a word, just walks by without answering back: she can feel his shadow behind-he stops walking, stands still, his eyes all behind her...a few  metres away she shouts back,)

She:
It's not morning...(and walks off)

He:
Oh really, I lost track of time, what time is it?  You know, I've been in the meeting for the entire morning...

(she don't look back, ignores and walks to the office)

(minutes later):
(He walks up to her...in the office as he stands on the doorway while she's at her seat)

He:
"Young lady, what kind of mediocrasy are you bringing in my office?  Disrespect is severely punished here, and don't you remember you are an intern, if you can't associate with the staff, you better leave, there are thousands of students every morning at the reception looking for an internship here, more qualified that you are indeed, yet, all you do is misbehave...."

She:
"I don't remember disrespecting you in any professional way...if i disrespected my job or any formal meeting, that is one thing, but if it was an informal one, that's nothing and it's up to me to choose who I want to associate with.  And please don't talk to me as though I came here via the back door, like the rest".

He:
"Do you understand my postion in this office to be answering me like that."

She:
"Of..course...I...do (she pronounces it out, word by word), and what I say or do is what I'm entitled to...  I know my rights!   My way of talking doesn't choose how to talk to who, what not to say to who..."

He:
"And you dare continue with your disrespectful nature."

She
"Huh?  Now I'm disrespecting you for talking With you- that is a crime.  While earlier on when I didn't talk to you, it was also disrespect....What exactly is it that you want from me....and say it loud and clear coz I'm so fed up with your criticism and annoying accusations..go on, say it for the...!"

He:
"Your presence in this office has been terminated immediately for a week before which you meet the displinary council to decide upon your case."

She:

"Terminated?  Or is it suspended?  Maybe its both...but you know what...(standing from her chair and giving him an eye on eye interaction)  you can't suspended me, nor... nor can you terminate my services...and you know why...the reason being...I ALREADY QUIT.  But, how would you know?  You are never at your desk but chasing after interns into your wife's bed, and because I let not these unfaithful hands of yours under my linen...there you are thinking that you can TERMINATING me...

                                                            -MJN-

Brave New Voices

Their take vs Her take

One trait that I proudly posses is the virtue of loving whom I am, and never stooping for attention or approval from anyone. Other’s perception, thoughts, criticism and premature judgmental has no space in my life.

Coincidentally, almost all my friends can’t be strong enough to endure what others think of them. They either want a pat on their shoulder, an invitation to a social meeting, being praised or have their work acknowledged.

They will time and again call you naïve, a weakling, a shy and conservative person…just because you overlook the worldview; and boldly outstand their nascent way of looking at reality.

I like looking at my friends ‘stand out’. They assume that I’m jealous of them and that I look forward to becoming a little more like them. On my part, I let them joyride on the sub-crème and enjoy the attention, because, I’m fine on my own-proud of the person that I am. In addition, it boosts their self esteem which many of them lack and simultaneously builds on their self concept.

I know the majority always wins…but I’m never among the majority. Appreciating the person I am and the output that comes from my handwork is more encouraging than a stranger’s judgmental analysis.
So whatever one says of my work…that I’m poor in this, average in that, and okay with the other, let me not say that I don’t care; but, I only accommodate it in my short memory, where I brush it off in a second, and life goes on.

It’s through second party commentaries that we assume who we are, forget what we are capable of becoming and kill our abilities of digging deeper into the goldmines that no one knows of their existence.

                                                                    -MJN-

Women in Advertising

This was highly inspired by Jean Kilbourne's advertisement film-Killing us softly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufHrVyVgwRg


I therefore took a good look at the recent print advertisements surrounding us in our daily lives and well, there must have been a very smart mind behind their conceptualisation... Here are a few collections:

Seems that we all have the same perspective of women...  Like the late Katama Mkangi wrote in his novel 'Walenisi', mwanamke ni kama ndizi, ukishaila, walitupa ganda lake na kulisahau; mwanamke ni kama chombo, chombo cha mwanamume akitumiacho kujiridhisha kwa muda kisha...

CONSTITUTIONAL WATCH

AUTHOR'S TIPS

                       by Walt whitman; one of America's greatest men of letters

For Aspiring Scribes (Article-Feb 1888 'The Signal')

• Don't become a poet.
• Practice your craft and break conventional models.
• First, don't write poetry, second, ditto, third, ditto.
• Carry a pencil and a piece of paper to jolt down daily events.
• Get your hands dirty in mechanics of printing.
• Whack away at anything pertaining to literary life-mechanical part as well as the rest.
• Learn to set type.
• Learn to work at the 'case.'
• Learn to be a practical printer.

---MJN---

A Love Story

I remember the sharp chills-down my spine
The missed heartbeats
The cold shivers that left me sweating
The sweet smells of your cologne-full of love

I could forever think of you, live for you, die for you
I could have held you close, and my heart would always be your peaceful dwelling
I coulda, woulda, shoulda stood by you, amidst the roughest storm, and laughed with you on an easy Sunday morning

We would have held hands down the street
Counted stars under the moonlight
Kissed at the site of the rainbow
Made love first thing at dawn
Grown gray by each other's side

Though you crushed my heart
I still got the memories, so dear and close I hold them
I'll cherish you for the little time you possessed my heart, thoughts and fantasies
...now that you given them to another...

-MJN

Chauvinism and Gender Discrimination

I always say, and I'll always continue to say it, that; the reason most women complain of gender insensitivity and discrimination amongst their genetic lines is no one else's fault but their very own.


What does happen to one, may it be so unbelievable good, or uglily bad...is also because of the actions that they have taken in their lives and for those around them.


Take several instances of the women whom I have encountered...


Of all the women I know of, only a woman employer has the audacity of forcing the employee to procure an abortion; in case of pregnancy; most specifically among house helps.

!!!!!!!!!!Inhumanity!!!!!!!!!

John Wycliffe:
Persecuted and burned at stake in the 1300's for translating the Bible into English.

William Tyndale:
So angered church leaders with his insistence on printing and distributing English-language Bibles that the church had his dead body exhumed, strangled, burned at stake and thrown in a river.

Ken Saro-Wiwa: (1941-1995:
Writer who held the world's stoplight of his execution by the Nigerian government on 10th November 1995. Popular journalist, wrote for children, performed poetry and participated in drama. A successful teacher, businessman and activist. His remains were released for burial in 1999 by Olusegun Obasanjo.

Saartjie Baartman (Sara); 1190-1815:
Exhibited as a freak because of the 'unusual' appearance of her buttocks. She was made to parade naked. She was, from time to time, put on display at high social balls 'as a naked and exotic savage dressed only in feathers.; Her brain and genitals were stored somewhere in the backroom where she was put on public display. -"her movements had something brusque and capricious about them that recalled those of monkeys."

Zainabo Alfani:
She watched the Patriotic Front Resistant military men boil her two children alive and then persevered the horror of being gang raped by them in northern Congo. She contracted Aids from the ordeal and died two years later of Aids-related complications.

Jean-Bedel Bokassa:
Military dictator. Ruled Central African Republic from 1965-1979. Proclaimed himself President for life, general secretary of the single party, minister nine times over and, last emperor. He had 17 wives. In May 1979, he killed 100 children in a prison (Bangui) for protesting against the cost of school uniforms. He ate some of the massacred victims....

Joseph Kony (LRA-October 22 2002)
Locked up people in their houses and set them ablaze.

Beat three men to death and ordered their wives to copulate with the corpses.

Forced parents to smash the heads of their children against trees and then used axes and matchets to kill the parents.

Tied up men and herded the rest into the village centre, then hacked and clubbed the victims to death.  He then ordered a child soldier to bring a big pot from one of the houses, lit fire and and as water boiled, they dropped off the limbbs and heads of the bodies and tossed them in the pot.

Survivors of the ordeal were forced to eat the human flesh from the pot and drink the soup.


William Wallace (Braveheart)
Butchered on August 23,1305.  Captured on August 3 and hauled to London over the next 20days to be tried for treason.  He was found guilty and tied on a horse and dragged through the streets in front oif crowds baying Londoners.

After being hanged, then disbellowed, the 35-year-old's body was hacked to pieces and his head impaled on a spike as a warning to other rebels.

A real Scottish hero.

complied by MJN...

Kenya's FM Watchdog

Isn't every young Kenyan persuing a certificate, diploma or degree in Mass Communication? Despite the media industry having been saturated for a couple of years, young people aren't yet ready to give up...they are more competitive than you may think.

Why the sudden media craze? Maybe its because of the money, fame, rubbing of shoulders with the creme de la creme of this our society... Or is it because we are all idiolizing Chris Kirubi, Patrick Quackoo (sic), the Agakhan... If I'm wrong, then it must be the high admiration of the makes of Carol Mutuko, Shaffie, Munene Nyagah, Maina Kageni, Eve de Souza...

Its sends me into thinking...why the hussle...and what for?

So far, there is absoultely nothing to admire about these radio stations(I hope my freedom of expression won't by any chance deter my ambition of working in one of these media houses). They are so many in number, and I'm sure that even the CCK-Communication Commission of Kenya can't tell their exact number. A new FM radio stations pops up every other new morning!

What is disheartening is the fact that the media is the most highly trusted organization in Kenya. And I wonder, what's there to trust anyway?

The radio personalities have turned the airwaves into a Paganistic 'haki yetu' demonstrations. Don't these people undertake a course in Media Law/ Ethics, what of the code pf conduct, inhouse style guide books... On the same hand, what about its role in agenda setting, social responsibility????

I tune to Waumini FM on Sunday, and, the Catholic hymns they play...they inhibits sleepiness. No wonder in Church during Mass, they sing while standing; but, do they still expect us to tune in while standing too? As for their presenters, do they have to sound bored all through the day?

Easy FM...well, no exemption whatsoever. She is all easy, all romantic, all sexy-all the time! The presenters even talk in slow motion! That Rn'B stuff too gets boring for being over exaggerated. Yes we need love and all that lovvy duvvyness, but not all around the clock!

Mmmh..lets talk Homeboyz Radio. One, they talk far way too too much, and its the type of talk that don't add up to anything of value. I wonder if their presenters are educated in that profession or they gain the skills through apprenticeship. Talk G Money, he doesn't make no radio material... They diss on air, curse, insult,'flush' callers/songs... Funny enough, they run a 'media school'. Is CCK aware? And as for the Trinity Connect, its so unreal! They are different yes from their fellow co-workers, but, who needs the holier than thou lot? I bet tha Jesus was way under their holiness. They don't date/befriend non-christians, won't kiss till marriage, can't know no secular artistes and their music...

Ms. National Broadcaster...KBC. She has seen the test of times, gained experience, nurtured many-but doesn't adapt to change. I just hate the way those presenters talk...is that a must learn tone for all presenters? The way some of them talk at the late night shows is like they are in a mid norning/evening drive show; interrupting songs to pick up calls, cut off songs halfway; at times play music that has scratches; with irregular pitch levels-like they use an almost run-out battery.

Classic 105, totally different. Isn't it fun, off the hook, the leading station in terms of audience attendance? However, it's like bringing audio pornography into our living rooms. No censorship-though they have a lot of knowledge in terms of use of euphemisms. It's also on the fore front when it comes to the degradation of the woman. Plus, the music, they can do better, it's not always out of this world! Music repetition is a big NO NO...unless their financial wellbeing is hitting the rocks.

Lets talk Kiss 100. Should every intern/new employee start in the gossip specialization deparment? It's so irritating that you may generate lots of hate for all whom it concerns. The music, they need to open up to newer genres. I just wonder whether they carry out a single research on their audiences and learn of their tastes and preferences.

Capital is one beauty who is like Mariah Carey, age makes her better and more appealing by the day. However, if that Solo guy and those other ladies in there continue keeping their presence, it may topple over very much soon. At the same time, it's one station that doesn't know the value of maintaining relationships. Has anyone ever been there for at most six months-with the exemption of Eve... They still got to know their business is in the Kenyan market, and that, that queer accent they employ is so so irritating to our ears.

-MJN

Abortion

If your man isn't going to be there to persee your baby's future upkeep, He doesn't have any right to tell you when its time o make one.

It doesn't matter what the constitution has laid down, or what is under the royal seal, what matters are the words of Charles Dickens, "the law is an ass, a idiot."

Abortion is illegal, they say. Suicide is a crime, ditto, ditto. If the government can't feed its nation,-we are dying of hunger; why should it send me behind bars for attempting to take my life rather than have it plucked off by a natural calamity.

And, if the government is so poor to educate its citizens, give them jobs, provide it with basic human necessities, why should I be denied my right to give birth to what I can handle?

They presume that I should have been careful from the very beginning; a condom costs just 10 shillings! 10 shillings is however too much for me... With it I can buy 'sukumawiki' kales and paraffin. To them, that's just but a penny because they rip it off my sweat, but for me, that's a fortune for I've energetically and enthusiastically worked for it from dawn to dusk.

They are now calling it murder...life begins at conception? It's not about what is wrong or right, what's ethical or non-ethical...at such times, we have to forget what is right and act upon what is good.

If I'm truly a murderer because of denying my unborn baby a life of misery and a curse of living in a slum, eating a meal a day, relying on relief food, lacking a good education, getting misused by the politicians...I'll be comfortable to be pronounced guilty.

However, my guilt won't be as immense as those who murder in bulk to quench their political thirst, murder those who gave them those powers, those who hold opposing views...despite being in a free nation to express one's right of expression and opinion(s).

We; girls, women and mothers have got strong instincts. We'll know about the kind of child we'll have long before its due. Just imagine that abortion was legally affordable and accessible for our mothers. They'd have aborted hat corrupt Member of Parliament (MP) of yours, the rapists, egocentric men' the list is endless!

If the church, legislature, etc are anti-abortion, next time you get a child because you couldn't get rid of it early enough; ladies, dump it on these people's front door.

-MJN-

youth unemployment

Seven year old Otieno dreams of owning a multi-national company for exporting fish from the lake side.

Murugi on the other hand believes that twenty years form now, she'll be a member of parliament...the future of her people is in her hands.

Years on, dreams turn into nightmares, a live to a survival tactic, and, a future into a regret for envisioning the ability of the unachievable.

Thousands of children don't access a primary school with tens of thousands dropping out yearly. Traditions and customs are the first to deny education to ambitious children-early marriages, female genital mutilation, looking after the livestock...have highly contributed to illiteracy despite the education being free in the country.

Poverty, likewise, denies the ones spared from traditions and customs from realizing their dreams. Simple human needs like food, good clothing and shelter are limited in a majority of school goers. A good education in this country=money; and a good education also=better job opportunities.

So many students also miss admissions in secondary schools not just because of poor academic performance, but insufficiency of leaning institutions.

Whether literate or illiterate, the job market stands the same. Its no longer about the papers, credentials or the certificates. Today's job market is like a favor bank- do this; I do that... a political game- I know you; do you recall me... or a monarchy- I've heard of that name; he is my father...

Being employed has hence resulted into a social class of the highest caste... only the elite get employed.

I've witnessed computer science, medical lab, communication, education, IT and other university graduates remain jobless for years. Surprisingly, every other organisation is greatly suffering due to a deficiency of a work force. It's just like planting and to never reap, or irrigating an orchard that will never bear fruits.

Youth unemployment though rarely spoken about, it's been here for years and its here to stay. And, if the government is doing nothing to fulfill its duty to its loyal citizens, we don't have to continue tethering around a field that has no more green grass to feed on.

We have the strength to move to greener pastures through our own very sweat. And since we the youth make the majority of the population, whatever we want we can get, as long as we partnership with each other to make it through the rough storms.

MALE VIRGINITY

What do they say? There are no more virgins in this city, town, village...

They never say; there is no man leaving a single pre-virgin virgin.

Just curious...what makes one a virgin? As far as I am concerned, many are practicing 'secondary virginity.' There are some who are 'still virgins', 'primary virgins', 'secondary' and 'tertiary virgins'.

Still, who is and what makes a virgin? Is it the lack of sexual expertise in the field of bedroom business, or, is it a total lack of experience in the latter sector?

Lack of sexual expertise...well, so many lack the expertise in that area, regardless of the length of specialization. But, lack of experience is something new. That is the true virgin; though not a real one...

Reason why? Well, it's so simple1 One may be a total jerk in sexual intercourse, but an expert in other sexual activities--oral sex, mutual masturbation, frottage, etc.

What makes one a virgin is being experienceless of sexual intercourse. This is because, regardless of the games one has played, as long as the hymen remains intact, you still are a virgin. But if sporting like bicycle cycling and mountain climbing tore apart the hymen, virginity is lost-whether or not one is without experience or is an expertee.

The point is clear. The key to proving that one is still a virgin is if they still have an intact hymen.

In addition, 'virgin' is a word derived from 'vagina.'

For the male-folk, they have to stop referring themselves as virgins-unless. somewhere somehow, they've a vagina.


by MJN

VIPER FRIENDS AND VENOM FRIENDSHIPS

'Without friends, you are like a book nobody bothers to pick up',it has been said. I didn't want to be an alien,weirdo or a solitary creature. All the same, I know that I can only be my own best friend because, friendship sucks; completely. No wonder my preference of enemies to friends,"May God protect me from my enemies, I can take care of my enemies."

They jealous? Maybe.
Caring? I doubt.
Suffering from inferiority complex? I bet.
Or they sort of crazy? Most probably!

I recall it from way back as a 7 year old. Apparently, my 'best friend' told me that she didn't like my clothes-they looked kind of 'cheap'... Funny enough; I came to learn that they lived in a mud-house, in her grandparent's compound! That was one big-hearted jealous girl.

Then there later came this girl who laughed at me on seeing me on tights (before they became the in-thing),she thought that I looked funny. Well, should I have blamed God for maturing early...God heard her prayers because today, she's one beautiful lady with a dazzling figure eleven.

One great best and closest girlfriend once told me, "Na vile unang'oa ka ujinga". Really! So what? The thick headed girl couldn't simply figure out what is identity-a sense of belonging-societal dignity-a highly sophisticated accent. That dearest pal of mine is today living somewhere, slightly suspended on the breadline.

Re-flashbacking onto my childhood into my adulthood, allergy left me with spotty skin, though I luckily survived it all. My 'best-friend' at the time as-she used to refer herself told me that I looked like a leopard... The good mannered girl that I am doesn't allow me to go around spanking her behind, and preaching her real self. That she is like a bitch who doesn't mind any dog jumping on her, that she may not live to be thirty years as her weight will have already sent her to an early grave-and that size of hers needs a tummy-tuck for I'm tired of that oval-like shape of hers.

"...come I teach you; men can't get enough of me..." I've had not a boyfriend, I've had 'ma-boyfriends'. Damn, what a whore! Good pal thinks that she is so hot, but how can I tell her that she is no better than a dump site, or a left over that can only be desired for by slum street dogs?

'...my mama is like this, like that, she's hot...she got a silky smooth black beauty skin, a very tiny waist...a sexy booty and hips...' So what? Are you trying to compare me with your mum or what , because, I'm no lesbian or bi-sexual. However sexy she may be,nothing about her can turn me on... I would rather turn myself on.

Girlfriend...I don't desire for none, nor wish for any. They are like a venom from a viper. Just because they have nothing to flaunt, they think the best thing is to bring you down. But, whenever they unleash their venom, I just laugh it off, because, I do pity their insecurity and below the line self-concept. If you note something wrong with my physique, speech...don't you think that I'm already very much aware, and cool with it? Maybe the next time you feel the desire to bring me down you should first tell God that He made a mistake, don't come to me.


by MJN

CHRISTIAN LAWS

There comes a time when we ought look at what is not ethically right, but what is good. These; they are called spiritual ethics.

When a law-abider mistakedly goes against them, should they be condemned and banished? Funny thing is that we live the holier than thou kind of lives, and a slight error is never forgiven , discussed, or proportionally balanced. It's like we sin not, hence busy vouyering for what is next door.

Law; what exactly is law? A mean word that favors the elite, the dictators? In my Dictionary however, that word luckily enough was omitted. Maybe its because I like it the Charles Dicken's way, the law-is an ass-useless! This is because the law is mean spirited, opportunistic, and only dissolved in exercising the present and ignoring the future repercussions.

Christ's disciples are fondly in-touch with the law. The disciples who know not what is sin, the neo-Pharisees. A world bond in chains of Christianity is the worst world to live in, breath in or, think in. Simply because; Christians are afraid of rumors, societal demands and expectations, the grapevine and the presumed 'halo image.'

Its unheard of to err therein, especially if you are presumed to be delicate, gentle and perfect. Being woman in a Christian world is the worst punishment any soul would be condemned in.

I've seen women, mothers and young girls suffer in the hands of Christianity. "Don't wear anything that exposes your skin-if you do, don't tell it when you get yourself sexually harassed!" Does exposing my legs, hands, neck, hair or a little chest a rouse anybody? And if it does, what justifies their action? If its my sexy skin, is that an enough excuse behind raping me; as though they will be raping my exposed skin that aroused them?

Christianity banishes pregnant women out of wedlock-they might shame them. "We shouldn't get pregnant from the word go." And still, "We should never engage i sexual intercourse." They are also condemning all forms of contraceptives...'do we really need them?' Truth is, we don't, but as long as there is no cure for our high pressure hormonal genes, what else is there to run to? Still, the contraceptives are really expensive, but the church isn't ready yet to listen to any NGO issuing some condom to their youth... "They are encouraging pre-marital sex." What an absurd argument!

Now I'm pregnant...the church shuns me, calls me a whore...as though I was selling myself out there to other female whores who got me pregnant. I can't go to another world; who knows, things may turn out worse over there.

Anytime a female Christian citizen enjoys her rightful harvest before her time is due, she'll have to do something...and remain within the law. Deep inside she will feel guilty, hate herself, give up on life...but the Christian world want to continue seeing her smile, feel her warmth.

I will check into a good enough institution to try undoing the already done, and insult God for blessing me when the time wasn't right...I may die, never again bear more blessings, etc. But as long as the law; the Christian law continues to be exercised, I'll be forced to continue smiling at it.

Just because, I care so much about them, hence ends up loosing my identity therein, all in the name of Christian laws and ethics.

But in a million of them, you'll find this one girl who loves herself to death, and wouldn't mind about your concept of what's wrong or right from the eyes of the law. She is pregnant, and though strong inside, she knows that for the sake of the innocent unborn, she has to make things right. By the time time runs out, men and women of God marry her of... "At the moment, we think it's the best thing to do." They always say.

From then henceforth, she'll live a life that knows no love, "What God has joined, no man can separate." The church proclaims. At least she'll have a husband, family, the church takes her back...though, deep inside; she wishes it would end, run away from this law, and, forever abandon Christianity that enslaved her.

By MJN